I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
