You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
