clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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