I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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