So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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