and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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