we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
