Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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