"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Soap is not a condiment
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
