she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
