real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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