Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The Olympian is in my bed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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