does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
