i already hear my dad disowning me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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