ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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