just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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