Im at strip club and am horny
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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