Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
