i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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