do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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The power of my boobs compel you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I see more hoeing in ur future
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