who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
