Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
