she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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