trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
