You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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