Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
