I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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