Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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