can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
