Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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