i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
