Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
