some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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