Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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