where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How does one acquire holy water?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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