remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
