My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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