well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize