Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
