I wish I only lived at night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
