Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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