I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
