I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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