yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
