So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
