i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
