At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
