i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
