last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
