I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
