pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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