Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
