Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
