i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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