Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
