Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
