I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
