Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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