saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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