I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
