I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
