My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
