I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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