i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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