i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
