Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
