we're blogging at a bar
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
